In preparation for replacing the washers I shut off the main supply to the house. This as opposed to moving some stuff and opening the bathroom's access panel. Which would doubtless ended up chipping some paint and god knows what else. A gentle turn of the main shutoff was uneventful. Replacing the washers was likewise a simple process.

Turning the main shutoff back on, however, was a different story. A gentle turn of it to the on position was greeted by a vertiable fountain of water from around the shaft. Ye gods and get the hell out of the way! I had to haul my ass all over the house to find a suitable way to catch the sudden torrent. Fortunately a trashcan and some trusty plastic from the blisterpack on a Sharpie 12 pack from CostCo could be rigged up into a suitable catchment. Although Red would have been disappointed with my failure to use Duct Tape in the repair.

Trouble is, when the main shutoff won't shutoff what the hell are you supposed to do? A call to WSSC revealed a 4 hour response time and a $35 charge. They cheerfully suggested a master plumber could likewise perform this service. Further dollar signs loomed. Given it was 7pm even more so.

But as Red Green knows, it's always good to be handy. It also helps to have been the sort of kid that always pestered the utility workers. "Whatcha doin' mister?" A question I thankfully posed to a waterworks employee some two decades ago.

Let me stop here and quote what my friend Chris Parr once said about the man that invented Liquid Wrench, he said "I hope he died peacefully in his sleep." I likewise extend that to the inventor of Vise Grips where ever he may be.

For it was by virtue of that trusty tool that I succeeded in getting the water main cover opened. Those five-pointed bolts ain't stopping this guy! Especially not when the alternative is his basement getting flooded while waiting on the utility company.

Damned thing was nearly four feet underground and really, really tough to shut off. Which reminds me, I have to fashion up a hook to retreive the blessed pliers from having dropped them. But fear not! No right-minded handyman would have only one pair of Vise Grips!

With some thanks, I noted Strosnider's, my local hardware store, was open for another two hours yet AND they had the parts I needed. Wouldn't you know that stopping to pick up some milk and getting a bunch of other things on sale would end up with my forgetting to actually get the damned milk...

So you're thinking this tale it about wrapped up, right? Wrong. On reassembling the main shutoff what happens? The packing collar nut splits apart! Or at least develops some serious cracks. I tell you, the plumbing in this house is apparently cursed! That and it was now 9:15 and too late for a return trip to Strosniders for the needed nut.

Fortunately it had enough thread to make it through the evening and now I'm off to pickup a new one. Oh yeah, and pickup milk too!

With luck this tale will shortly have a happy ending...